Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Teaser for future story...

Howdy all!!

This is a very rough draft of part of a chapter of a new story I am working on. I am not sure of the name, but right now I am calling it Letters from a Broken Heart. This is subject to change though. This is unbeta'd so have a god laugh at me : )
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

Dearest Love,
Tonight my daughter, Eleanor asked about you. I had been expecting her to ask about you, yet when she did it caught me off guard. You should see her. She’s beautiful and I can honestly say that I am enthralled with the girl now. Many people think that she looks like her mother with her dark eyes and dark hair, but my own mother stands by the fact that she can see me in her as well. I don’t see it though. Between you and me, I hope she is nothing like me. I hope she is smarter, better, stronger. You know all the things I should have been.
            Like I said she asked about tonight. She saw your picture by my nightstand and gazed at your happy smile, looking more beautiful than what a woman ought to on her wedding day. It seemed odd to have her study you with her curious eyes. It seemed wrong, like she was invading into too much of my personal space, but honestly how much personal space can a person have with a five year old hanging around?
            Elly shocked me when she asked if you were the reason why I never married her mom. Her simple question took my breath away. I had never thought of explaining the mess that is her life as well as mine and her mother’s at such a young age. What can I say? My daughter is bright. 
            I sat there and gawked at her just like any other father who was scared shitless would do. I tried to think of what to tell her since no matter what I said it would be horrible. How do you tell your daughter that she was the living gaffe of a night gone wrong? Don’t worry, I didn’t tell her that. I would never do that to her, no matter how true it might be.
            I took a deep breath and told her the simplified version of the truth. I told her that you were not the reason she did not have a family like her friend, that I was the person responsible. Don’t worry. I will have a talk with her mother and remind her to watch her words in front of Elly since I know how upset that this would make you.
            I tucked her in tonight with images of the past swirling in my head as the time clock on the truth began to tick. I know that the day will come sooner rather than later that I will have to explain to my daughter the circumstances of her birth. I know I will have to explain to her how I failed the woman I loved and didn’t love the woman who loved me enough to even make this fucked up situation right. I will have to expose myself as the cold hearted asshole I am that destroys everything he touches. I will do my best to make sure that she knows that she has not caused this mess. I would never do to her what your mother did to you so please don’t worry about me placing blame on her. I have done that enough in the past and I have to live with that guilt for the rest of my life. Add that guilt on top of the rest I carry around, I guess. I will tell her that this fucked up situation falls squarely upon my shoulders. I failed everyone, her included.
            I am sorry my love. I had promised you that I would not mention the past again, but I can’t help it after Elly’s question. I can’t stop thinking about all the bad decisions and wrong turns that lead me here without you.
            I miss you, darling. I miss you every fucking day. I miss everything and it doesn’t matter that it has been about six years since we were last together. I still miss you and will miss you until my dying breath.
            I know you must be tired of my apologies, but I will beg for forgiveness for all of eternity. I would do anything if you would just come back to me.
            I guess I just hope that somewhere out there you are happy once more. You deserve to be happy more than anyone else I know. I will pray at night that you to have moved on and found someone to love you how I should have when I had the chance. I pray that the person in your life makes you smile since your smiles could light up the night sky. I also pray that whoever the hell that man is that he understands what a treasure you truly are. I pray that he is smarter than what I had been with your heart and if by chance he isn’t, Bella, please know that I still love you. I will always love you and will always pray for your forgiveness.
 Please come home.
Yours forever,


I will be posting a ch 5 teaser for What's Done Cannot Be Undone a little later.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Teaser time!!!


Here is the teaser for ch 6 of What's Done Cannot Be Undone...

“Did you have sex with her?” she asked me in a calm voice as she looked from my disheveled form to Tanya who subconsciously tugged on her short skirt as if that gesture would make it longer.
            “Bella…” I said softly, trying to keep her calm, but it wasn’t Bella that needed that needed to be calm, it was me. I felt my heart pounding in my chest and even though she wasn’t yelling, to me she might as well have been for all the reaction she was getting from the patron that were standing close by.
            “Did you have sex with her?” she asked me once more as I watched Tanya look from me to Bella as she sniffled loudly before scurrying away from the scene that was being created before her.
            “No, I didn’t have sex with her,” I said in clear voice as she looked at me with her brown eyes blazing. I could not stand to look at her and lie which was odd since in the past year lying to her had never been an issue. I had done it and laughed about it later, but that night it made my stomach sick to lie to her.
            I looked from Bella’s cold eyes to my mother so stood beside my wife. She had such a look of shame on her face.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

It needed to be said....Or.. Sorry KStew fans

Hello, my name is Mamasutra and I do not like KStew. There I said it. It needed to be said. I don’t like her. I don’t like her as Bella. I don’t like her in the movie Adventureland. I haven’t liked her in any movie I have seen her in and yes, I have gone out of my way to watch them.
                I can hear some of you now. The low muttering about how I am a jealous whore or what not, so let me explain myself before you label me as whatever concerning KStew.
                I am not jealous of her. I am not intimidated by her beauty. I do not hate her because of her so called relationship with Rob Pattinson. In reality I don’t hate her over anything, except for her treatment of the fans. If I have missed any other theory that has been tossed out concerning those of us who do not like her please know that they do not apply to me either, just so you know.
I think people who claim that those of us who are anti-KStew are just jealous and that’s why we dislike her need to re-examine their talking points. I am not jealous of the girl. It would suck to be her. Just think about it. The media following you around, snapping pictures, making fucked up claims about you. It would suck!! The girl can’t make a mistake or have an off day without everyone and their fucking brother making a comment about it. She can’t go to lunch with guy friends without the media announcing that she is blowing him. To those of you who are over 30 think back to all the fun things you used to do in your late teens to early twenties…. Yeah. Now think about having those exact times broadcasted on line and having people tweet about them. It would suck, so yeah, I am not jealous.
                I am not intimidated by her so called beauty. To be honesty she is average looking. It was this fact that helped her land the role of our beloved Bella Swan remember??? I am not saying that the girl isn’t pretty. She is pretty, especially when she is all glammed up for some award show, but more times than naught when the girl is photographed she looks like a butch lesbian. Seriously, KStew as someone who went through their late teens & early twenties during the height of the grunge stage, put down the fucking flannel shirt it’s not 1991 anymore.
                Now to refute the most heated claim of all, I do not care about her so called relationship with Rob. GASP! Shocking I know! Yes, I love Rob, but I do not care if she is fucking him. I don’t care if they do it every night and in every position known to man. I don’t care. Honestly, I don’t think they are together. I think it is more likely that he is banging TomStu over her. Blasphemy, I know :)  I don’t have some twisted fantasies of being Rob’s lover. It wouldn’t happen and I don’t live in the fantasy world beyond Fanfic. Actually I am shocked that people are even using this as a reason to dislike KStew when there are so many more valid reasons to dislike her.  
                People the world is full of real issues and things to be concerned about outside of fucking KStew. There is government and its unbalance. There is the pending presidential election coming up and how fucked the democrats are over it. There are things to be concerned about like our debt ceiling and why the hell GM & the banks that were bailed out aren’t paying back the tax payers. There is unrest in the world. Wars on three fronts. Hungry children and how crappy our education system is. Should I go on or have I given enough reasons as to why KStew is meaningless in my life???
                With all of that being said, I now will tell you why I don’t like her. I don’t like her because she is always so damn bitchy. She always seems so unhappy to answer questions for just be fucking decent to her fans. How hard is it to smile when you don’t want to? Fuck, I do it all the time. How hard is it to act grateful towards a group that is paying your paycheck, watching your movies and making sure that you are in demand when it comes to acting? Now before some of you tell me how she is grateful and loving towards the people who made her rich and famous then I will ask to see a fan pic of here where she looks remotely happy, since I have never seen one.
                Really what it comes down to for me is that KStew doesn’t remember the most basic of things and that is that she is a public figure not matter if she likes it or not. She is being watched. Her pay check comes from you and it’s your hard earned money being spent to watch something that she was in. She forgets this and that pisses me off. She is not doing me some favor by being Bella Swan in the Twilight movies. I actually think she was horrible in all three movies of Twilight. (I actually look forward to the last two with giddy delight because I know based on her previous  performances in any movie I have ever seen her in that she will be the most unhappy bride ever on the movie screen.) I think someone needs to remind her that she needs to gracious and a little sweetness goes further than the bitchy attitude she always puts out there.
So, there it is. I don’t like her and it’s because I expect more from the public figures in my world. I expect gratitude and thanks. Maybe I expect too much. Flame me if want. Unfollow me. Do whatever, but don’t accuse me of stupid things concerning her just because I don’t like her.


Wednesday, July 20, 2011


I will be posting a ch 5 teaser for What's Done Cannot Be Undone a little later.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

What's Done Cannot Be UnDone Ch 4 teaser!!!

Howdy all!!.

It has been forever since I blogged, but  I would like to remedy it by offering a teaser from my new story to appease all you wonderful folks out there : )

I walked in and closed the door behind me, trapping myself in the small room with my father.
            “Well, this visit was unexpected,” I said in the most casual tone I could muster up under the circumstances.
            “Where are you staying at?” he asked me in a harsh tone as his eyes scanned me over as I moved around him to sit at my desk. I had told Bella I had moved back in with my parents as I had begged her to forgive me, but the truth was I had been staying at Tanya’s place. She welcomed me with open arms after Bella had tossed my clothes out on the front lawn while I had been at work over night.
            “What does it matter?” I asked him as I poured myself some coffee from the small pot I had brewed in my office earlier.
            “Just answer the damn question, Edward,” he said as he growled in irritation, but that did not faze me at all. After weeks of silence from my parents I had told myself that their opinion did not matter, even though I was dying inside over the anger in his eyes as he looked at me.
            “Well, after my wife tossed me out I found another place to stay,” I said with a smart ass smile that caused my father to scrub his face with his hand in frustration.
            “You’re staying with the girl you wrecked your marriage over,” he said as a statement, not a question.
            “Well, your mother won’t lie for you anymore so I hope that you know what you are doing,” my dad said and then stood up as if he washing his hands of the mess I had created. I looked at his face and I could see the disappointment etched deeply on his face. It hurt to see that look there and know that I had caused it. It was that look that caused me to break.
            “What do you want me to do?” I asked him in anger, honestly I was hurting and lost over how in the hell to proceed with my life from here.
            “Do you love your wife?” he asked me startling me by his question that seemed so out of the blue the fucked up situation I was in. I looked over at the picture of Bella that as still on my desk. I couldn’t bring myself to put it away, it hurt too much to do it.
            Did I love Bella? I did. I still loved her, but everything was so messed up. I nodded yes and watched my father breathe a sigh of what appeared to be relief.
            “Then act like it, son” he said as he looked at me with a sad look.