This is a very rough draft of part of a chapter of a new story I am working on. I am not sure of the name, but right now I am calling it Letters from a Broken Heart. This is subject to change though. This is unbeta'd so have a god laugh at me : )
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.
Tonight my daughter, Eleanor asked about you. I had been expecting her to ask about you, yet when she did it caught me off guard. You should see her. She’s beautiful and I can honestly say that I am enthralled with the girl now. Many people think that she looks like her mother with her dark eyes and dark hair, but my own mother stands by the fact that she can see me in her as well. I don’t see it though. Between you and me, I hope she is nothing like me. I hope she is smarter, better, stronger. You know all the things I should have been.
Like I said she asked about tonight. She saw your picture by my nightstand and gazed at your happy smile, looking more beautiful than what a woman ought to on her wedding day. It seemed odd to have her study you with her curious eyes. It seemed wrong, like she was invading into too much of my personal space, but honestly how much personal space can a person have with a five year old hanging around?
Elly shocked me when she asked if you were the reason why I never married her mom. Her simple question took my breath away. I had never thought of explaining the mess that is her life as well as mine and her mother’s at such a young age. What can I say? My daughter is bright.
I sat there and gawked at her just like any other father who was scared shitless would do. I tried to think of what to tell her since no matter what I said it would be horrible. How do you tell your daughter that she was the living gaffe of a night gone wrong? Don’t worry, I didn’t tell her that. I would never do that to her, no matter how true it might be.
I took a deep breath and told her the simplified version of the truth. I told her that you were not the reason she did not have a family like her friend, that I was the person responsible. Don’t worry. I will have a talk with her mother and remind her to watch her words in front of Elly since I know how upset that this would make you.
I tucked her in tonight with images of the past swirling in my head as the time clock on the truth began to tick. I know that the day will come sooner rather than later that I will have to explain to my daughter the circumstances of her birth. I know I will have to explain to her how I failed the woman I loved and didn’t love the woman who loved me enough to even make this fucked up situation right. I will have to expose myself as the cold hearted asshole I am that destroys everything he touches. I will do my best to make sure that she knows that she has not caused this mess. I would never do to her what your mother did to you so please don’t worry about me placing blame on her. I have done that enough in the past and I have to live with that guilt for the rest of my life. Add that guilt on top of the rest I carry around, I guess. I will tell her that this fucked up situation falls squarely upon my shoulders. I failed everyone, her included.
I am sorry my love. I had promised you that I would not mention the past again, but I can’t help it after Elly’s question. I can’t stop thinking about all the bad decisions and wrong turns that lead me here without you.
I guess I just hope that somewhere out there you are happy once more. You deserve to be happy more than anyone else I know. I will pray at night that you to have moved on and found someone to love you how I should have when I had the chance. I pray that the person in your life makes you smile since your smiles could light up the night sky. I also pray that whoever the hell that man is that he understands what a treasure you truly are. I pray that he is smarter than what I had been with your heart and if by chance he isn’t, Bella, please know that I still love you. I will always love you and will always pray for your forgiveness.
Please come home.